::worthless::

Have you ever felt worthless?
Have you felt like giving up?
Have you ever felt like nothing ever goes right?

If you have.. i understand what you’re going through. If not, wow.. you are one lucky person. I remember my freshman and sophmore year.. It was a hard time for me. I was too faced. One was an innocent little christian girl and the other.. a girl who loved to have fun.. if you know what I mean. Lol… Those two years are the biggest regrets. I thought I would have learned my lesson when my mom threatened to kill herself… maybe even where she said she was going to leave and never come back… all because of me. I was the cause of mom’s misery and the reason my family was breaking apart. Don’t try to comfort me because I know this is true. Instead of changing my ways for the good… I turned to bad things. <Things I don’t want to talk about..> I knew it would hurt people, but i did it anyways. I told no one.. not even my best friend. 

I remember the first time I told her… I called her one night after getting caught having a beer can in my backpack. She was so shocked; she couldn’t say anything. Trust me… for her not to be able to say anything, that is a big shocker.  I soon went in depression. It was so serious that i had to take medication, but I had some form of it. I told one person how I felt. He was such a great friend. He still is now. We’re just not as close. However, I becamse close to another guy. We should have stayed as friends, but we didn’t. I did something so bad… <don’t worry.. it’s not sex… -o-> But I keep blaming myself because of his recent break-up. <Read Losing Soemthing Special from October 2009>  In truth, I blame myself for alot of things… who dosen’t?

Well.. I could go on forever about how my life is messed up. This post and Losing Something Special isn’t even half of it. But I know i’m not the only one suffering, so i’ll stop.

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